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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
Gravity is a real downer.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.