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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Calling credit cards "a convenient alternative to cash" is like calling crystal meth a "diet substitute".
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.