Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
Whenever someone says to me, "Oh, you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!