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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for 2?" I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see him too?"
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.