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Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.