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To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?