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I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"