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The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.