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Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!