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I wish my mind had a delete button.
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
So much to do and so few alibis.
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
Be good ... or I will text Santa
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
Happy 4th of July ! ... It`s a holiday. You know what that means... Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.