Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.