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If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake