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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
Iām actually not funny. Iām just really mean and people think Iām joking.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up
If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?