Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
I`m for driverless cars, but honestly, having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of sh!t 24/7
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome