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Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
Hi Iām a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.