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They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.