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I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`