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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
"I’m not drunk!” is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.