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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.