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Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."