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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything