Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.