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My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.