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Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.