Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.