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I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.