Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.