Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.