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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.