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Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I`m gonna get the government involved so you can`t leave.
A wise man, will often say nothing
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.