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I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
According to my neighbor`s rooster, it`s 5am now. Also according to my neighbor`s rooster, we`re having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I`m pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I`m driving"
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.
Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now, Dora solves the case everytime