Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.