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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D