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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...