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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?