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"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.