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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness