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This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume