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I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.