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At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.