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the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....