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Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?