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A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
Stairs are like rock climbing after a bottle of vodka.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.