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The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.