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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
No pants are the best pants.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.