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To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
Marriage is for quitters
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
I get as much action as a white crayon.
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don`t serve breakfast?
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.