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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.