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I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.