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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.