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The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.