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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
I live in a madhouse, ruled by a tiny army, that I made myself
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.