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On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.