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"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.