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Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
Iām tired of things costing money.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, Knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"ā¦