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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
I like people... From a distance.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.