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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
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