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Why do baby clothes have pockets?
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
lol I rotfl
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.