Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
Iām still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
status uploading
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.