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Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right