Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.