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You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
So I wanted to publicly apologize for not doing the ice bucket challenge for everyone that nominated me. I don`t give money to charity, unless she is on stage B at 11:30.