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Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
Iām not going bald. Iām getting more head.
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.