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I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?