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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...