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Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...