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If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.