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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!