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I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
My wife says "YOU`RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.