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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
I wish common sense was more common.
I give myself the best presents.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.