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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
The secret to success is in my bra.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.