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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
is in no shape to exercise
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight…I got extra.
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.