Daily Silly Status

I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.

I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.

I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.

When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.

I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here

How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?

To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.

Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.

I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.

I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.

I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes

Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.

I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.

If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.