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Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.