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I always read my wife`s Horoscope to see what kind of day I`M going to have...!!
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
No pants are the best pants.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.