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SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers