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Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.