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The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
After I die, there are some people I’m going to haunt the sh!t out of.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.