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Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
On the 14th of December I`m going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up...