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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That`s a ghost finishing sex with you.