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No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
That moment when being uncool, is cool
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.