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I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it