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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
I forgot to post this earlier
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.