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Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster