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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time