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Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start