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Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
Last person to like this wins a prize.
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.