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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.