Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.