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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.