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If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...