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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.