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On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.