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I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden