Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
My house has really let itself go.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.