Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.