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I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....