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My favorite part of the day? The food part.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.