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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?