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Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
I have reliable inside information about Apple`s next product. I will not be able to afford it.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
Iām moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.