Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.