Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
When your wife or girlfriend asks,"Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)