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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
A hard thing about business is minding your own
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.