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Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
My innocent look never works in the nude.
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?