Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!