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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
Gym update: not there
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.