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When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there`s no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
According to this BMI chart ... I am to short.
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.