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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"