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Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.