Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.