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My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…