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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
To settle an argument, think about why you are wrong and why she has boobs.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.