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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....