Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
I’m in no shape to exercise.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?