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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride