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Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
It`s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
Where is the button to restart summer?
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.