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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.