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Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.