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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
Tieam... problem solved
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.